The end.

Finally we have come to the end of our intervention. I went into this project not thinking too much about what I was about to put my body through. I figured I had done more diets than most people put together, so this would be yet another experience.  However, this intervention was far from anything I have ever done before. It went so far beyond being hungry and losing weight. The entire process taught me so much more about myself and the topic at hand. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what to expect or how extreme I would take this idea of extreme dieting, but I’m glad I allowed myself to go to the extremes that I did.

For some this was just a project.  Something they had to do or claim that they did for ten days.  However for me this became something so much more. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  From as young as twelve, I can remember following diets I found in magazines, going to Weight Watches and Sure Slim, consulting a dietician, having a personal trainer- the list goes on and on. I’ve done extreme diets, controlled diets, diets under supervision – I’ve pretty much done it all.  It’s only in the last year or so, I discovered I had a thyroid problem.

Initially I figured this project would be a good kick start to me losing weight. I did. 3kg in ten days, but I also gained weight and it became a constant yo-yo even though it was only a period of ten days.  I without a doubt put my body out of it’s comfort zone.  Counting every calorie, having my weight written in huge text across my cupboards and constantly bringing myself down by having notes such as: “nothing tastes as good as thin feels” posted around the house.  I really tried to grasp the idea of extreme excessive dieting.  I took (prescribed) appetite supressants, I drank revolting drinks such as olive oil and pure grapefruit juice to flush out my system. I gave every aspect a shot and got constant motivation from watching films such as “Super Skinny Me” and “Thin” – both horrifying and tragic.

Of course I was uncomfortable by not eating nearly enough, constantly feeling hungry, having no energy, constantly feeling tired, losing my vision etc, but I think what I least expected, is the influence I had on everyone else.  In situations such as restaurants, I would make everyone awkward because I became so obsessed with what to eat, choosing a restaurant was a nightmare – infact where I could avoid it I would.  It also caused the most unbelievable tension between friends as I constantly made up excuses not to see them so that I wouldn’t have to put myself through the trauma of food.  Going out wasn’t really an option.  I barely had energy to function and complete my Vega work, let alone go out until two in the morning!

As well as putting other people out of ease, I couldn’t believe the emotional rollercoaster I experienced.  Food (or the lack of) became my number one priority.  I spent more time wanting hours to pass so that I could claim it was another hour of no eating. I’ve never felt so emotional in all my life.  Often crying for absolutely no reason and feeling  this heavy burden on my back.  I completely isolated myself from everyone.  It became a very lonely ten days. At the same time I had a very aggresive nature because my life became about control.  I took pleasure out of other people over indulging in unhealthy foods, analyzing how many calories would be on each of their plates.  Although it was only ten days, I found myself becoming someone I never want to be. Constantly on edge and snapping at the most unexpected times.

Overall it taught me a lot about life and the importance of being happy and confident.  I had a lot of time to ponder in thought and re-evaluate life.  If nothing else, I feel so desperately sorry for those people suffering from eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia.   It’s physically impossible to live a normal life under these conditions.  You begin to isolate yourself to the point that you push everyone away.  But what the hell for?  You try become thin for the people around you but you are left so alone in the process.  So is there really any point in taking such extreme measures?

Day 9.

Im heading to the end of my intervention, and Im feeling extremelt demotivated. I’ve gained a kilo since the wedding and I feel so upste about it. Life is so unfair. I can’t even eat 1 normal meal without putting on weight. I’m feeling exhausted. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I’ve found this experience so unbelievabley draining. It’s so upsetting when you work so hard at someone and you let yourself down. I was almost ready to give up today. I knew I had to take drastic measures to lose the weight that I had gained but was it really worth it? I won’t give up but deep down, this is how I am feeling.

What makes it worse is that today is like winter, it’s cold and rainy. I could imagine nothing better than some comfort food.

I’ve also  started thinking about what this is doing to my body. we all know yoyo dieting is’nt good but just what toll does it have on the body?

I found this shocking documentary on four young girls suffering from anorexia and the toll it has on them, their bodies and their families.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-N2Cv52gB8

Reference: Greenfield L. Thin Documentary. Retrieved fromhttp://www.laurengreenfield.com/?p=Y6QZZ990. Accessed on 24 march 2011

(pictures are from the documentary)

What Excessive Dieting does to your body:

Yo yo dieting is a very dangerous way to lose weight. There are short term and long term effects on the body.

Crash diets cause extreme food cravings and cause extreme mood swings. Often people get more moody and irritable. People may become depressed. Along with the mental aspects, low calorie diets are very restricting which has a toll on the social side as well. Crash diets also cause major nutritional problems long term as you are eliminating whole food groups. Some of the greatest deficiencies are vitamin B and potassium and sodium deficiency. Potassium and sodium are vital for the body in order to ensure proper nerver and muscle function. They regulate the heart beat. If the levels are low enough, one could suffer from a heart attack.

Crash diets also have an effect on vital organs including the heart, kidneys, liver and brain. The vital organs rely on energy from your carbohydrate intake. During my intervention, I eliminated all forms of carboydrtaes which is why I was constantll exhausted. As a result of no carbohydrates, your body begins to burn muscle tissue in order to get adequate amounts of energy to function. If the calorie intake is low enough, the body may even begin to burn the tissue of the actual organs so that your brain has enegry to function. If this starts to happen, you can then suffer from:

• liver failure
• kidney failure
• heart attack
• stroke

If one does long term crash diets, people tend to suffer from oesteoporosis which is a disease that causes he bones to be extremely brittle. This happens due to a lack of calcium intake. This obviously means your bones will break easily.

Reference: Epigee health and fitness. Retrieved from:  http://www.epigee.org/fitness/crash_diets.html Accessed on 25 March 2011

Day 8

Today I had a wedding. I had come to terms with the fact that I would have to eat a normal meal. A wedding is one of those occasions that I would hate to look back in years to come and regret not having the time of my life. How would one not indulge at a wedding? its a celebration. We help the bride get ready. It’s such an emotional day. Whilst watching the bride get ready, I am overwhelmed by how beautiful she looks. She has spent months trying to lose weight, tone up and work at looking the best that she can. but why? Surely her husband to be loves her for the way she looks. What has society come to that life becomes about pleasing people and being unhappy with ones self.

At the wedding, I don’t feel like myslef. Even though I’ve alreaady told myself I was going to cheat, I couldn’t help but wonder how many calories were in each glass of punch? If it was necessary to join in the cheers sipping on my champagne. Was it worth the consequences. The meals were plated which meant that I couldn’t avoid eating. I tried avoiding the fatty oily foods. It’s almost impossible. The gammon is glazed with a pineapple sauce, the waldorf salad is smothered in mayonnaise, the potatoes are roasted. It’s amazing how people comment. Most people at our table had something to say about what I was eating or drinking. as a joke they kept saying ” you not anorexic are you?” What if I was? How would it feel. Even not being anorexic, I took offence. It felt like such an insult.

Even though I had planned to be normal today, for some reason I couldnt remove all reigns. I had a conscious. I held back. I didnt have as much fun as I could have. Infact, I took some sort of sick pleasure out of watching other people eat.

Perfection

It’s quiet sad that we have all become immune to the idea of unnaturally skinny models. Everyday, we are exposed to countless images in the media. Whether it be the role models in tv programmes such as Serena from Gossip Girl, models from the catwalk, fashion models in magazines or girls in the street. The idea of such skinny girls should be horrifying however we have become so immune to the idea that thin is perfect.

Whilst flipping through this months edition of Marie Claire, I stumbled across this article:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reference: Mcculoch. V,The poster girl for Anorexia, Marie Claire April 2011

This article just shows how far some girls are willing to go. It is about an Italian model Isabelle Caro who did the no-1-ita campaign. Isabelle caused a lot of controversy as people said the image “Exploited the illness” and was therefore removed. Isabelle became well known for her anti anorexia campaign and made more money promoting this campaign than when she was an average model on the catwalk. Its a vicious circle but Isabelle then felt as though she shouldn’t gain weight because the money was so good. how absurd? Unfortunately, this worldly recognised model died last year in November. Being so conscious this week about diet, food and eating disorders, it amazes me how many  articles and media coverage there is on the topic. It’s as though we are constantly brainwashed which is why we have become so immune to images such as this one.

This is a BBC vide of Isabelle Caro  on the anti- anorexia campaign.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12094962

Reference: kelly JF. 30 December 2010. “no Anorexia” model Isabelle Caro died at age 28″. Retreived from http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12094962 Accessed on 24 march 2011

If this doesn’t shock people, I don’t know what will. It made me question by definition, what is considered the perfect person.

I tried to research what exactly makes the “perfect face” and their is a scientific formula that scientists use to define beauty. Scientists say that beauty is defined by a set of measurements and formulae. The more symmetrical ones face is, the more desirable or perfect their face is. This set of measurements is known as the Golden Ratio. Scientists carried out a survey that showed that people with more symmetrical faces lost their virginity first proving that they are more desirable.

Below is a link to a video showing  how the Golden Ratio works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO3o9drC1mQ

Reference: R Jimmy. The Golden Ratio The perfect face and change the sex. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO3o9drC1mQ Accessed on 24 march 2011

Brad Pitt is considered good looking by most people however when the mask of measurements is placed over his face, its clear that his face is far from symmetrical. He has a much stronger jaw line than that of the mask yet this is what makes him so attractive. This proves that symmetry is not the only thing that makes someone attractive.

If Brad’s face ws symmetrical, he would look pretty average. Below is an image showing as ymmetrical left side of his face.

Here are some other celebrities with the symmetry mask over them:

Angelina Jolie

David Beckham

Megan Fox

Reference: Innis D Matthew, Underpaintings. January 2010. Retrieved from http://underpaintings.blogspot.com/2010_01_01_archive.html Accessed on 24 March 2011

Pro-mia

So, I must admit, I didnt think it would be that easy to find a pro-mia site- a website dedicated to promoting being thin and anorexia. But, here is a taste of the one I found.

“Of course it’s hard. If it was easy then everybody would do it. Its the hard that makes it great. ”

“I am your butter and your bread. The voice that’s in your head. I’ll take you in and fill you up with a lack of being fed” -Ana

There is also a list of 100 best things to know about being anorexic. Here is a taste of 15

001. Drink a glass of water every hour. It will make you feel full.
002. Pick one food for the day, like an apple. Cut it into 8 slices. Eat 2 slices at breakfast, 2 at lunch, 2 at dinner, and you’ll have 2 left for a snack. This way your body thinks it’s eating 4 times that day, but in reality you’ve only had 1 apple. The next day pick another food. Make sure it’s only 1 serving that you split up into 3 or more throughout the day.

003. Dont try to fast for days and days. First of all, fasting for long periods of time actually slows down the metabolism, second, it increases binge cravings immensely, and third, it affects your mood greatly. Instead of being happy for losing weight, youll be depressed simply because of lack of food.

004. If you live on your own or have a lot of privacy, tape/tack up pictures of your favorite models and always carry one around with you. When you’re hungry pull out the picture. If you live on your own, tape them up on the fridge, freezer, and cupboards (just remember to take them down or cover them when people come over).

005. Always wear perfectly applied sticky lipgloss or chapstick. It keeps you very aware of what goes in your mouth, and makes you think twice about eating anything, because you will have to carefully re-apply.

006. ‘Pro Plus’ are caffeine tablets which you can just buy from most shops, no need for calorie infested coffee, they are also easy to take if and when you do eat anything.

007. If you’re a smoker and you’re hungry, light up a cigarette. It curbs your appetite and you no longer feel hungry. If youre not a smoker, however, I wouldnt advise you to start simply to lose weight.

008. If you are really craving food, brush your teeth with a strong mint toothpaste. This helps to put you off food because of the taste it leaves behind.

009. When you are hungry, do something gross like dig for worms, clean a kitty litter box, or something. It will make you less likely to eat.

010. In between each mouthful of food that you eat, take a sip of water. It fills you up and slows down your eating so that you stay in control and the meal doesnt turn into a flat-out binge.

011. Dexatrim – take 3 a day 1/2 hour before you eat and drink water and you’ll be full after just a few bites. Dexatrim, however, is not safe for those of you already on medication. I used to do the whole diet pill thing years ago, and as a result, my heart is permanently damaged.

012. When drinking water, drink ICE COLD water… your body has to burn calories to keep your body temperature up.
013. I would not recommend taking laxatives because they are not an effective way of purging, and you actually gain weight by taking them. There are natural laxatives though, found in foods like prunes and grapes. Also, there are certain sugar-free cough drops and candies that produce a laxative effect because of the sugar substitute used in them.

014. Try to eat in the same place every day. Somewhere solitary. Not in front of the TV or computer. If you have to stop what youre doing to go eat you might not even bother.

015. Eat what you crave. But eat it before you crave it in moderation. For instance, instead of a whole chocolate bar, get one of the small ones and only eat 1/2 of it. Allow yourself to enjoy it. Deprivation leads to bingeing.

Encouragement from Ana:

40 reasons not to eat according to pro-ana:

1.     You will be FAT if you eat today. Just put it off one more day.
2.     You don’t NEED food.
3.     Fat people can’t fit everywhere.
4.     Guys will be able to pick you up without struggling.
5.     You’ll be able to run faster without all that extra weight holding you back.
6.     People will remember you as the ‘beautiful thin one.’
7.     If someone has to describe you, they’ll say, ‘oh, she weighs like 100, 110 lbs.’
8.     Guys will want to get to know you, not laugh at you and walk away.
9.     Starving is an example of excellent willpower.
10.     You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
11.     Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite.
12.     If you eat, you’ll look like those disgusting, fat, ghetto and trailer-trash hookers on Jerry Springer.
13.     The models that everyone claim are beautiful, the spitting image of perfection, are any of them fat? … NO….
14.     Too many people in America are obese.
15.     People who eat are selfish and unrealistic.
16.     Only fat people are attracted to fat people. Do you want pigs to like you because you are one of them?
17.     Anyone can have ‘inner beauty,’ but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
18.     You’ll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
19.     Only thin people are graceful.
20.     If you slap a fat person, you can see a shockwave ripple over their skin. That’s disgusting.
21.     Do you want people to say, ‘For god’s sake get off of me, you’re crushing me; I can’t breathe!’ or ‘You are soo light.’ ?
22.     Underweight, a.k.a. perfect body.
23.     Ballerina? Or beanbag?
24.     I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds. . .like in my reoccurring dream I love that dream.
25.     I want to walk in the snow and leave no footprints.
26.     Starve off the parts you don’t need. They’re ugly and drag you down.
27.    Nothing can’t be fixed with hunger and weightloss.
28.     Saying ‘No, thanks,’ to food is saying ‘Yes, please,’ to THIN!
29.     Fat people are so huge, people see through them and it’s like they don’t exist.
30.     The only time people notice a fat person is when they get in the way of that beautiful thin girl walking by. (I know that one sounds horrible)(Oh well)
31.     Have you ever seen a person NOT notice a walking skeleton?
32.     Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
33.     Is food more important than happiness in life? Your appearance to others?
34.     Eating is conforming.
35.     When you start to get dizzy and weak, you’re almost there.
36.     Hunger is your friend and it won’t betray you like food.
37.     Food is mean and sneaky. It tricks you into eating it and it works on you from the inside out, making you fat, bloated, ugly, and unhappy.
38.     Think of anorexia as your secret weapon.
39.     If you can name one reason to be fat, I will name a million to be skinny. I’ll name them even if you can’t find a reason to be fat.
40.     Thin people look good in ANY kind of clothes.

“Eat less, weigh less, fail less, feel less”

Reference: Ana’s thinspiration retrieved from http://ana-beauty.webs.com/quotes.htm Accessed on 19 march 2011

Excessive Dieting

So, I figured I hadn’t really divulged into the extreme measures I’ve taken to do excessive dieting. Besides follwong the rules of eating as little as possible, counting calories and cutting out food groups, there is so much more to becoming an excessive dieter.

Before I started I made sure we had no junk food in the house. This made temptation so much easier, after all, who would really know if I had sneaked a piece of chocolate or dunked a rusk? but to be in the right headspace I wanted to do everything possible to prevent any slip-ups.

I have a mini calculator that I carry  with me everywhere. This makes counting calories so much easier.

I printed out a sheet showing the calories in all fruit and vegetables as this is what I have basically been living on.

My scale became the most prominent feature in my bathroom.

I have a huge piece of paper taped across my cupboards showing my daily weight and the weight I had either lost or gained

Around the house, I have placed motivational pieces of paper encouraging me. They are stuck all over the house, on all the mirrors, on the fridge, on my shower door etc.

I also sat down with photo albums and dividing my photos into fat me and thin me. That was enough motivation in itself.

I am also not allowed in restaurants- sadly

And Im taking prescribed appetite suppressants every day…

 

 

Pushing through.

Last night was the first night of my intervention that I chose to venture out and do something social with my friends. I was about sceptical because I knew I couldn’t drink, and my energy levels are at an all time low however I still ended up going. I knew that it would take my mind off things, and for every hour that passed, it was 1 more hour that I had gone without eating. I also worked out that I would burn more calories out dancing an being on my feet than what I would if I were at home sleeping.

I come home from being out and start working on an unexpected deadline. I work, and work and work. I need coffee to keep me awake- without the coffee, I would never have lasted but there goes another dietary rule. My due date is at 1pm. I arrive looking more pale than ever, huge dark circles under my eyes and I look drained and feel completely unkept.

Today was by far, the most demanding, intense, horrible day not just of my intervention but of my Vega career.

at 6pm, i realise I forgot to eat today, not because I made a conscious decision not to but because I’ve now learnt to block the idea of food and eating out. I wasn’t even hungry. By early evening, I begin to lose my vision for the second time of my intervention. I don’t even feel like myself anymore.

Day 5

Some people aren’t made to be thin.

I got a phonecall yesterday afternoon to listen to Redi Derico on  Cape Talk radio station. The subject of the show is “Does extreme dieting actually work?”.

It’s amazing how when one suddenly becomes consciously aware about dieting and weight,  we realise how it is thrown in our faces everyday in every which shape and form. Whilst I was motivated to hear that other people are also extreme dieting, it was also extremely demotivating to hear how unsuccessful people have been when yoyo dieting. The weight drops off you whilst you are dieting, but the minute you go back to normal eating habits, you put on the same weight you lost, if not more!

This is exactly what happened to me in January 2006 I went to SureSlim. A diet working in conjunction to your blood type. It seemed like a miracle. Its a high protein, no carb diet. What they forget to mention is that even orange veg like gem squash is concidered a carbohydrate. The diet is so severe that they suggest one does not exercise during the programme. As drastic as the diet is, you remain motivated because the weight falls off you.

However, a couple of months after the diet, is when I began to notice the consequences. I had gained all the weight I had lost even with exercise and my metabolism had come to a grinding holt. Ever since then, I have had problems with my metabolism. As a result now, I am left with a borderline under active thyroid.

On Redi’s show, her opening lines were: ” Oprah Winfrey who has a private chef, personal trainer,personal nutritionist, has an ongoing problem with her weight. Proving that no matter what you do, metabolisms will not allow them to lose the weight. “

For those of you who are naturally skinny, you wouldn’t understand. As for the rest of us, weight becomes a daily battle and affects us in so many more ways than “I can’t eat that, it’s fattening.” When you have done it all, what else can one resort to? Being thin will never fall out of fashion. It’s become a billion dollare industry, so why would companies back down from something so successful.

Whilst doing some research, I stumbled across this very shocking but very real film called THIN. It follows the lives of  4 girls and their families who are suffereing from anorexia or bulimia  and how the journey affects both them and their family. To view a clip from this film click on the link below:

Reference: Greenfield, lauren, Thin documentary, 2006. Available at, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492496/ (accessed on 18 March 2011)

youtube.com/watch?v=U-N2Cv52gB8

Why thin?

I’ve never really thought about when this idea of females being thin came about. For my entire life, women that were thin were the popular thing. So I did a little research to see if I could find out when exactly being thin became the objective.

Reference: Cox, E. The Thin Craze of the 1960’s, 2006. Available athttp://www.loti.com/sixties_fashion/The_thin_craze_of_the_1960s.htm (Accessed on 17 march, 2011)

In this article, Erica Cox explains that during the 1960’s, to be thin became very popular  because of the increasingly popularity of self-expression and women’s rights movements during this time that allowed women to shed clothes and bare more body. Being thin allowed them to comfortably wear clothes like mini-skirts, which maybe at that time stood for some sort of freedom and self-expression.

Models like Twiggy also became popular. She had a very unique look and was desired by many people. Twiggy became young girls’ new role model, were as proir to this, they had always strived to look like Marilyn Monroe and more feminine looking models and actresses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VERSUS:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people say that popular media has no influence or correlation with body image issues or disorders

I beg to differ.

The pressure to be thin is alive and well and shows no sign of change, not when there is serious money to be made.

In 2006, PEOPLE magazine had a cover claiming that :

“Drastic thinness has become the beauty ideal – and it’s having an alarming effect on girls everywhere”.

According to eating disorder specialist Dr. Ira Sacker:

“I have a lot of A-list celebrities as clients, both actresses and models, and what they are telling me is that the pressure to be thin has never been greater. Why? Because whoever is thinner gets the job, and the competition is enormous.”

The Hollywood actresses are role models but they are also victims too.

Reference: F,Jim. Marketing thin the masses 2006. Available at http://www.diet-blog.com/06/marketing_thin_to_the_masses.php (accessed on 17 March 2011)

Day 4.

REMORSE

I knew when I woke up this morning that I would gain weight after eating a proper meal. I felt sick to my stomach. The thought of walking over to the scale was frightening. I’ve gained half a kilo. I had worked so hard until now and I had been so motivated. I can’t quiet comprehend that after 1 meal, I have gained more weight than what the meal weighed. The thing I have been struggling most without, is dairy. No tea, no coffee, no yoghurt, no milk. nothing.

Ironic, but at some point of the morning, I stumbled across this quote:

“We fear rejection,

want attention,

crave affection and,

dream of PERFECTION.”

How true?

This then led me to a “thinspiration” website called ‘weheartit.com’

Reference: 2010, thinspiration. Retrieved March 17,2011 from

http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=we+heart+it+.com&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&sa=X&ei=CFOLTdj2IJOEvAPm_ojCDg&ved=0CBUQBSgA&q=weheartit.com&spell=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=7cbdd2d5e2aa02ac